Holy Shit! Is This Thing On?

Bro. It looks like I haven’t written a blog post in over a year. And I’m trying to sit here and think if I published an article somewhere else, or if I’ve written for my job. And honestly, I don’t believe I have.

I’ve been journaling, of course, but publishing words on the internet has taken a complete back burner. I took a deep dive into SEO strategy and editing this year. That means I was researching and prepping blog posts instead of writing them. Which was nice.

Then I did something crazy. I was jolted awake around last year with this thought slamming into my head: “STUDY NUTRITION

It was clear, alarming, direct, and commanding. I don’t believe in souls, but mine told me to start researching nutrition majors and colleges. That’s how loud this thought was. Making me test my faith!

The thing is I’ve wanted to go to school as soon as I graduated the first time. I wanted to get a bachelor’s degree. I thought I would get it in Computer Science, Business Administration, or Marketing. I even completed a certification in digital marketing and knew that’s what I would end up going back for.

The days crept by and college looked like it would never happen again. But that jolt. That unexpectant command…

Bro what? Now I’m super into nutrition and I’ve been studying it for years. I’ve loved the topic since I was a teenager. But I’m a website developer. I chose the tech route. I’m a digital marketer now. I can’t just throw all this away for nutrition.

Well! I don’t have to. You don’t have to go to school for career aspects. You can go just to… LEARN! And that’s what I’m going to do. If I make money off of this knowledge in the future — great! If I keep with my tech career — also great!!

But I want that degree, and I want to study my passion at a higher level. It’s just a win-win all around.

The House, Frap, Chemistry

So I got accepted into the only online nutrition program I could find that’s affordable and not dietetics. I’m pretty sure that I will never want the job duties of a dietitian so I’m not going to waste money on becoming one.

But that made my research harder because all these schools expect you to become a dietitian and they are out here with competitive dietetics programs. Bro. I just want to learn nutritional science and its effects on disease.

So I found a good one, signed up for all my first classes for Fall 2022, and…….

My baby, Frappe, gets diagnosed with an incurable disease. She has IBD and apparently, she only has 3 more years with us. On top of that, we dove head first into buying a house. Our babies needed more room to live their best lives.

I had to drop my first semester back. I was devastated, but I mentally couldn’t do it on top of everything plus work. But the Spring semester was ON! I took 16 credits, and I made a mistake.

Well, I fucked up. I didn’t realize that nutritional science was straight-up chemistry. On top of my dedicated chemistry class, I had two other classes filled with extra chemistry. And it was a lot. I couldn’t take it at times. I was drowning.

But, we survived, and we aced the classes. I now know to balance the chemistry load going forward. But anyway Spring semester is over, and I am currently in summer classes. Then I’ll probably take the Fall semester off again because one semester a year is honestly all I can handle especially since

Bun Is Lost

I cannot write too much about this; it’s psychically painful. Physical. But sure psychical, too. On March 19, at 4:30 am, I lost my bun. He was sick all day Saturday. No vets near me were open. The emergency vets didn’t have an exotic vet on hand. And my vet, which is a 1.5-hour drive, couldn’t see me until 6 am. He died in my arms, and I have been an absolute wreck since.

I miss my buddy so fucking much. He was the most beautiful, free-spirited thing on this Earth. I cannot describe in words how special this rabbit is and how much he meant to me. I am forever grateful for the experience of being his human mom.

I couldn’t bare the grief, and I ended up in the hospital. There I found out that I have afib. So yay, more shit to worry about!

It’s been two months. The dread of knowing my babies will all die soon, is overwhelming. But I strive every day to make sure they are living their best lives. Teah is enjoying his retirement at 15. We have a playpen on the porch for him and it truly is his self-care to sunbathe outside.

Frappe owns half the house, so she’s away from her brothers. She’s less stressed and is so happy! She’s gaining weight, and her disease is being managed. The twins and baby breadstick are still young and in good health.

The biggest room in our house was dedicated to being Rumple’s playground. He was the happiest bun alive for the 5 months that we were here. Now the space is untouched and lifeless. I’m slowly getting to a place where I can think about how to rearrange it now that the bun is gone.

Sick of Wasting My Potential

As for now, summer classes are light. I have enough time to work on my businesses again. The Spring semester shook me to my core and I had to pause everything. But as time goes on, I realize that I self-sabotage myself.

I never follow through on business ideas. And I’m sick and tired of doing that. I’m afraid of success for some reason. It’s a scary thought that I’ve been trying to create an independent business since 2014. Almost 10 years. At first, I thought I wasn’t skilled enough. That I needed more training.

So I read all the books and took all the courses. And they did help. I just never could put everything together. But I feel that this is the time. This year. This moment.

I’m diving into it. I am smart enough. I am skilled enough. I have the potential. Now to get over myself and actually work.

This has been my update while I procrastinate (: